


Dreaming Wide Awake

by Mia_Zeklos



Series: Eyes as Old as Time [5]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, M/M, Time Lord!Ianto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-05-28
Packaged: 2018-01-26 22:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1704482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mia_Zeklos/pseuds/Mia_Zeklos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being on Starship UK for a month already, Ianto has a confession to make.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: First of all, I’d like to say that this is a sequel to Falling Slowly and Eyes as Old as Time and might not make a lot of sense if you haven’t read them. Second, this is for all of you who wanted sequels to both stories and I’d like to thank you for all the reviews and the support I got while writing them.  
> That being said, the song used in the beginning is Dreaming Wide Awake by Poets of the Fall. Just like usual, reviews are highly appreciated, because I’d really like to hear your opinion on this one; I’m rather nervous about it.

_Another place and time, without a great divide_

_And we could be flying deadly high_

_I’ll sell my soul to dream you wide awake_

“Ianto, are you sure –”

 

“’Course I am.” Ianto didn’t even take his eyes off the things he saw through the windscreen as his nimble fingers flew across the control panel, but his lips curled into a small, pleased smile. “I’ve read the manual.”

 

“Of course you have,” Jack said fondly and felt a wave of warmth washing over him at that little detail he got to witness once again. It was borderline ridiculous, to pay attention to things like that, but he could easily get used to it.

 

Ianto had been here for a month already and he was doing great. Teaching him to pilot Starship UK was currently a top priority, and he was doing his best – apparently. _Jack_ ’s training had taken more time. Ianto seemed to be a natural.

 

“I’ve been really busy these days,” the man said, as if reading Jack’s thoughts. “But I’ve got to– there are things I need to know.”

 

Jack nodded expectantly as Ianto – with just a few expert movements – turned the auto-pilot on and turned around along with his chair.

 

“I’d like you to fill me in. Not on the ship,” he added quickly when Jack opened his mouth. “I watched the film about its history and found all the books. What happened to Gwen? What happened to my–” Suddenly he stopped, unbearable sadness seeping through his usually unbreakable mask. “What happened to Rhiannon?”

 

“She was all right,” Jack assured him. “Had another son and named him after you. When I met her once, she told me you were the best man she’d ever known. She never stopped missing you.” Ianto gave a short, bitter laugh at that and Jack, who failed to understand, just kept going. “She lived to nearly one hundred. Johny died half a year after her.

 

“Gwen– she had a daughter, Anwen, but you probably know about that – you were there when she got pregnant. I visited her but, as the years passed, she stopped liking to see me every so often. Didn’t want to see me grow older. They never do.” _You didn’t too_ , he added mentally.

 

“Yes, about that, actually.” Jack stared at him incredulously. Had he ended up with some telepathic abilities on that planet he’d been on? “There’s something I need to tell you.”

 

When Ianto started a conversation with ‘there’s something I need to tell you’ or ‘I think we’ve got a little problem’, things tended to end badly. ‘An alien invasion’ level of ‘badly’, too, so Jack thought he had the right to feel a little wary.

 

“It happened almost a year before the 456,” he begun. “Remember the Perfection? Christine’s body?” Jack nodded, now even more lost as to where this was going. “You gave me that pill. It was supposed to bring back my memories. And it–” For a moment, Ianto looked as if he’d choke on his breath. “It did.”

 

“Yes?” Jack prompted gently after a few moments of silence. “What did you remember?”

 

A small, nervous laugh was his only response. “It’s easier to show you than tell you, really, but I don’t know if it’ll allow me to.” He was calm and collected, just like usual, but his bright blue eyes resembled those of a trapped wild animal.

 

It wasn’t happening for the first time since he was on board. He had spent most of his time until now learning to pilot the ship, but in his free time, he was always anxious and tense around Jack. Sometimes, while someone was speaking to him, the Captain could see that Ianto’s mind wasn’t even there at all.

 

“If what will allow you, Ianto?” Jack didn’t want to push it, but it was always easier to talk if at least half of the truth was already out.

 

“The perception filter.” Another shaky smile. “But I reckon it’ll be easier if you know you should be looking for something.” With that, he quickly started unbuttoning the jacket of his uniform; it was identical with the ones they used for the army – black, from the same recycled material everything was made of here, and consisting of trousers, usually tucked into the heavy military boots, a jacket and a t-shirt. Ianto had charmed a suit out of their sector’s tailor, and despite her protests that nobody wore suits these days, he could wear it in the rare occasions he was allowed civil clothes (which didn’t include holidays – the uniform and even the red cap coming with it were required then, much to Jack’s delight).

 

Once he was only in his t-shirt, Ianto hesitantly took jack’s hand in his and pressed it against his chest.

 

Jack could feel Ianto’s shallow, rapid breathing, but nothing else. At first. And then, just as he made to look up and ask his lover what he was meant to notice, he felt it.

 

Ianto’s heart was beating almost impossibly fast, as if it would burst from his chest any minute. “What’s happened to you?” He murmured. There was something weird about it. It didn’t quite feel like a single heart beating too fast; there was sync lacking for that. It was more like– “Oh my God.”

 

“There was a war really, really long ago,” Ianto started speaking quickly, as if he was afraid that he’d chase Jack away. “You know about it, I s’ppose, the Doctor must have told you. I participated in it, and there were people who thought that– that I’d be better off away from it. So they – my parents – sent me here. Well, not _here_ – they sent me to Earth. With false memories and a perception filter so strong that even I wouldn’t suspect a thing.” His heart – hearts – under Jack’s fingers increased their speed even more as Ianto barely stopped to take a breath. “I recently figured out that I’ve been about twenty when they did it, and we age really slowly, but we needed soldiers and couldn’t wait. I’ve spent five years on Earth and so I’ve matured a bit.” There it was again, Ianto’s constant desire for people to see him as a grown-up, despite his young age, Jack noted vaguely. “I suppose I could be considered a teenager. I still – I still can’t remember my name.”

 

The amount of talking he’d just done could tell Jack one thing and one thing only – Ianto was quietly freaking out.

 

If the Captain had to be honest with himself, he was feeling the same way.

 

“You age slowly.” He tried to sound calm and relaxed. He had to put Ianto at ease before the man got the wrong idea (the wrong idea being the one that was probably going through his mind right now and that included Jack being scared of or angry at him). But he needed – desperately – to hear a name.

 

“Time Lords.” Ianto closed his eyes, as if resigning to his fate. “Time Lords age really slowly.”

 

A Time Lord. _A Time Lord._ Jack was starting to wonder when exactly did the control of his life get hijacked away from him.

 

“Aren’t you full of surprises.” It wasn’t a question and Ianto remained silent. “I’ve always known, you know,” he managed at last. “That there was something... off about you. Something never seemed completely ordinary.” He chuckled exasperatedly. “But I’d never have thought it would be this.” Ianto tried to speak, but Jack cut him off. “Which regeneration are you at?”

 

Ianto seemed surprised. “I’ve never regenerated. This is my first body.”

 

Jack let out the air he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. “Thanks God.”

 

“Jack – Is this... okay?” When he looked up, Jack saw that Ianto’s eyes were wide and the look in them tentative. “I know that it’s coming out of nowhere and–”

 

“Ianto.” Jack tried to remind himself that Ianto was very young and very human – well, okay, very young – and that he needed reassurance. He needed to understand that species didn’t matter as long as he was here. “I think I made it clear a long time ago how I feel about you. Of course it’s okay.”

 

“That’s the point,” Ianto said, that small, bitter smile that always sent shivers down Jack’s spine back on his face. “In the House of the Dead, you said, #Ianto Jones, I love you’, and that’s exactly the point. Ianto Jones doesn’t even exist. He’s a cover story, nothing more. A bit clumsily done, yeah, but a cover story nonetheless. A regular kid, good grades, but nothing too outstanding. The shop lifting thing was made up because then, I wouldn’t like to mess about with the police – the only people who could sense that something’s wrong. They dumped me into a normal family and the only people who were alive by then were Rhiannon and my mother. No wonder she never recognised me.”

 

“What do you mean?” jack asked quietly. This was still very much the man he knew, but there was something new, something unfamiliar that was equal parts terrifying and captivating.

 

“When I went to visit her, she always said that she didn’t have a son and the doctor said that on some of her better days, she’d recognise my sister. But they were wrong. She always recognised Rhiannon and never me, because she was the glitch in the system. She was the only one who realised that Ianto Jones is a stranger; practically nothing. Ianto Jones doesn’t exist,” he repeated quietly, as if he was still trying to get used to the thought.

 

“Yes, he does,” Jack said gently, “If you look for ‘Ianto Jones’ on the ship’s database – it has information on every human, no matter born on the ship or on Earth – you’ll find that he was a young man who died two thousand four hundred and eighty-five years ago; died protecting a planet that no one here has ever seen, save for photos. He was a real hero, they say, and braver than most, because he’d dedicated his whole adult life looking after humanity and risking his life for it every day.” Ianto tried to say something, but Jack kept going, because damn him if Ianto decided that he could underestimate himself again. “When people started making alien contact more and more often, he became a role model for many of them. If you look for evidence, there was a comic with your name on it. Yeah, you heard that right,” Jack added at Ianto’s disbelieving snort. “I’m pretty sure you can find it in the library in Sector Nine. He bravely faced all kinds of hostile alien and anyone who wanted to go fight said aliens looked up to him. And that, _Ianto Jones_ , started five hundred years after your death.”

 

Ianto gulped nervously at the sight of Jack’s gleaming eyes. “Your point being?”

 

“My point being, don’t you dare tell me that Ianto Jones didn’t exist. Don’t you _dare_ tell me that he’s no one when he saved so many lives, including mine, because he’s pulled me off the edge so many times. You might be a Time Lord that had the misfortune to end up on some backward planet on the other end of the Universe, but Ianto Jones took your place for five years, so want it or not, he’s a part of you now. No one changed you as a person, did they? Only your memories were taken away?” He asked. Ianto gave a brisk nod. “There you go, then.”

 

Deafening, ringing silence fell over them and neither seemed inclined to break it.

 

“You’re right.” Ianto’s voice was strangely hoarse. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

 

“I don’t care whether I know your name or not,” Jack murmured, burying his head in Ianto’s shoulder. “I stand by what I said. This just means I won’t have to lose you.”

 

“It also means I can change my appearance, though,” Ianto pointed out from above him.

 

“Don’t,” Jack instructed, his arms tightening around his lover; a subconscious reaction to the long-since-passed feeling of trying to hold on to the memory of _his_ Ianto while his partner was trapped in the body of a woman that, by his own words, hated him.

 

“Wasn’t even thinking of it,” Ianto replied as he awkwardly patted Ianto on the back to get him to move. “I’ve got to get back to work, Jack,” he added when the Captain didn’t take the hint.

 

“I was actually thinking we could go out,” the man tried hesitantly.

 

“I know I said I couldn’t die, but I don’t feel like testing it tonight. I have a feeling that what’s considered ‘out’ of this ship would be a less than pleasant experience. You’ve jump started me enough times as it is.”

 

Jack finally raised his head. “Did you just use ‘jump start’ to describe the kiss of life?” Ianto smiled softly, but he continued. “Wait a minute. That time, with Lisa...” he felt Ianto tense against him and reminded himself that the memory was still somewhat raw to the man. “Perception filter or not, you’d have regenerated, right?”

 

“I suppose. It might’ve even been starting, and if it had been someone else, it would have happened anyway, but you’ve probably blocked it.”

 

Jack was suddenly on alert. “What do you mean, blocked?”

 

“You know,” Ianto said helplessly, trying to find words for the feeling. “You usually do that– thing. There’s so much noise in my head and, when I touch you, it just– stops. You kissed me and I finally found peace. I had to repress it then, Jack,” he said when the man tried to ask the most obvious question. “It had to happen. I had to die there in order to meet you here. It was a fixed point, I couldn’t do anything.”

 

“Oh, don’t you start,” Jack interrupted at the first mention of fixed points, but then stared at Ianto again, silently asking for more details.

 

“I can show you,” Ianto said, unsure. “You know. I’ve always been a bit emphatic and you’ve had some training of your own...”

 

Jack just nodded and seated himself even closer to Ianto without actually touching him yet, so he’d be able to see the difference.

 

The Captain focused and probed gently into Ianto’s mind, feeling the psychic shields slide down tentatively. Jack tried to go a little further and–

 

It felt like dipping your finger into a lake just to be pushed into the ice cold water. Ianto’s mind wasn’t like any other he’d ever connected to and while each man had its layers, Ianto’s was just so _endless_. There were so many possibilities and planets and memories and _time_ that it was hard to believe that all of that had been gather in twenty-something years. Jack could feel the Universe spinning around him and he felt trapped, trapped in this nightmarish ride as he wondered how anyone could stay sane and interact normally with other people while experiencing all of that at the same time.

 

“Ianto–” He managed to get out at last and there was a _please_ in there. Please help me. Please get me out of this.

 

Ianto instantly reached for his hand and, the moment skin touched skin, it all suddenly stopped. Jack could feel only Ianto’s thoughts floating on the surface, gentle like a caress as the other man tried to calm him down. Then, just as Jack made to retreat, his mental shield slipped back into place and it was all over.

 

“This is how it is,” Ianto said quietly. “Every waking moment, every single second, unless...” with a small smile, he touched Jack’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “...I touch you. I don’t know how or why, but it always works.”

 

Jack took in a shaky breath. “And you don’t think it’s... wrong? Unnatural?”

 

Ianto gave him a slightly bewildered look. “No. Of course not. It’s amazing. Why would I think it’s wrong?”

 

“The Doctor told me, long ago, that I’m a fact, a fixed point. He couldn’t even get close to me. It wasn’t his fault, he couldn’t help it.” Jack was trying really hard not to let the hurt show, but then again, perhaps the fact that he still remembered it after so many years spoke for itself.

 

“Jack–” Ianto seemed to be at loss of words, then just shook his head.  “How many times do I have to tell you? There’s nothing wrong with you. I just–” And with that, he turned around to shut the auto-pilot down and get back to work.

 

The Captain knew that Ianto wasn’t angry at him; it was probably the too many questions making him nervous and uncomfortable – again – but it wasn’t just his newly discovered species that was bothering him, either. Things were just piling on.

 

The main problem was the people on the ship and that was probably what had made Ianto withdraw so quickly when Jack had mentioned going out. They could never understand the way the way Ianto spoke or acted with nearly thirty centuries – and, as it turned out, a few galaxies – of culture differences. It was also the fact that everyone still called him Gideon, then blushed and mumbled their apologies while giving both him and Jack a look that clearly stated that they didn’t approve of this whole thing at all, because they saw it as inappropriate, considering Gideon and Ianto’s resemblance and the short month that separated them from the former’s death.

 

All in all, humans were humans and what they did was judge everyone without knowing even half of the story, and Jack supposed that he would have tolerated it if it’d been about someone else, but now he was pretty much done with it all. He had had enough of Ianto closing himself to everyone and everything – including Jack himself – and he had definitely seen it before.

 

_It was Friday night so naturally, the place was crowded, but Jack was pleased with the way things had turned out. At least his date didn’t look like he might fall asleep while nudging his food with his fork._

_The Last few days had been busy enough that they could get about two hours of sleep a day, but tonight Ianto was buzzing with energy, his eyes sparkling as he talked about some alien artefact he’d found near the restaurant they were currently dining in._

_Jack was in awe. He’d never seen Ianto as enthusiastic about anything as he was while explaining about his device, his whole face lighting up with delight, and he couldn’t help but stay silent as his partner talked._

_Suddenly, Ianto’s voice died and his whole body tensed like an animal that had sensed a trap._

_“What is it?”Jack asked softly, immediately picking up the change in the mood. Ianto leaned in conspiratorially closer to Jack over the table. “I think we should be more careful.” His partner, on alert as usual, scanned the room. “The waitress is a little too invested in our table and she’d been giving me very weird looks.”_

_It was true that said waitress seemed to gravitate mainly around their table and Jack found her quickly; about ten feet away from them. He looked at her, then back at Ianto, and wondered how anyone could be so oblivious._

_“I don’t think it’s Torchwood she’s after, Ianto,” he said as delicately as possible and watched confusion pass over his lover’s face, quickly replaced by a sceptic expression, accompanied by a snort. “Not everyone thinks the way you do, Jack.”_

_“Maybe not, but she does.” The Captain leaned even closer to Ianto. “Wanna let her know you’re taken?”_

_The moment the words left his lips, Jack regretted them. Did Ianto even consider himself taken? Did he want to be? Mind you, maybe he was interested in the girl, but if it was so, then why did he seem so uncomfortable under the attention he was given?_

_Jack sighed. This wasn’t supposed to be all that hard. What did someone in their early twenties even_ want _from a date? The last time Jack had tried to properly court someone, Ianto hadn’t even been_ born _. This was meant to be good, right? Live music, fancy restaurants and caviar and stuff? Ianto was supposed to be enjoying it, not looking like he’d jump out of his skin any minute now._

_“You’re thinking too much,” Ianto said distractedly, and then seemed to register jack’s question. “No! No, there really won’t be any need.”_

_Jack knew that Ianto was lightly empathic and that made statements like ‘you’re thinking too much’ a not so rare thing. The only time he’d tried to connect with him on a mental level, the Captain had encountered the strongest mind block he’d ever seen, so since then, it’d always been a one-way street, with Ianto sometimes picking up random traces of Jack’s thoughts and emotions._

_Jack sighed softly. Ianto wasn’t in familiar environment here, that much was obvious. He was, however, the most adventure-obsessed person he knew, so he decided to play his next card._

_“You ready to head to the cinema?” Jack asked and Ianto’s eyes lit up again._

_“What d’you have in mind?”_

_“The new Indiana Jones came out last week?”_

_Ianto was already buttoning his jacket._

_o.O.o_

_Jack should have guessed that Ianto would have a soft spot for Indiana Jones as well, considering his affection for James Bond. As the lights went off, the younger man whispered, “I remember going to the premiere of the first one –_ Raiders of the Lost Ark _. The book was better, though.”_

_“There’s a_ book _?”Jack was vaguely intrigued by the fact itself and remarkably more so in Ianto’s point of view. He rarely shared anything about his interests with him._

_“Yes,” he nodded. “It came out two months before the movie. It’s still somewhere around at home.”_

_Jack threw an arm over Ianto’s shoulder and brought him closer, his hand sneaking into his partner’s hair. The Captain froze when it felt stiff under his fingers._

_“Do you need to do that all the time?” Jack asked as he felt the gel with his fingers and remembered how it had felt sometimes in the morning, soft like silk under his hands._

_Ianto nodded seriously.”It’d be messy and sticking otherwise.”_

_“I like it when it’s messy.”_

_“_ I _don’t.”_

_“You don’t have to control everything about yourself, Ianto.”_

_“Maybe not, but I want to.”_

_Jack could sense the meaning of the dialogue, just beyond the surface, and it had nothing to do with hair gel._

_“Not now, though, right?” Ianto gave him a curious look at that. “Let it go, okay? Just for tonight?”_

_Ianto’s gaze softened and he nodded, returning his attention back to the movie. “Just for tonight.”_

“You just wait.” Jack wrapped his arms around Ianto’s neck loosely. “No one else knows that, and we’ll break a lot of time/space rules if we tell them, but this ship is going to land in a year. We’ll find a planet for all these people to live, then I’m going to find a way to fix this thing–” at that, he glanced at his wrist strap. “– and I’m going to show you everything. Or, as it turns out, you’ll show me.”

 

Ianto’s face brightened again, just like that evening centuries ago, all discomfort replaced by the kind of excitement that was always contagious.

 

“There’s so much I remember,” he said, eyes flickering to all the stars he could see through the windscreen. “And so much I haven’t seen yet.”

 

“You will,” Jack assured him as he felt the steady beating of Ianto’s hearts under his touch and let himself be happy – truly, fully happy – for the first time in years. “You will.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This went through some editing before it was transferred from paper to the computer and I’m sort of satisfied with it now. It was supposed to be a filler chapter, and I ended up doing some deep character analysis on Jack in a few places.  
> There’s a (not so little) cameo from a character that I think was bound to show up at some point, and writing him feels literally blasphemy, frankly, so I’m kind of anxious about how it turned out. In case you want to keep the surprise, stop reading the author’s note now. In case you’re curious, I’m talking about Eleven. I’ve always thought that he and Ianto would get along well – Ianto would’ve had too much bad memories from Ten – so I really hope I kept him in character.  
> The text used in the beginning is by Connie Dover’s Going to the West.  
> Enjoy and, just like usual, reviews are highly appreciated!

_Where angel’s footprints walk the land_

_Where castle rocks and towers high_

_All my thoughts are turned to you_

_My waking hope, my sleeping dream_

It was about two days after the landing of Starship UK that Jack decided that the people would never get tired of thanking them and, while it was rather enjoyable, the Captain was pretty sure he’d rather let Ianto get some sleep.

 

His lover resembled a ghost too much for his liking. He had been the one to land the ship – not because Jack hadn’t tried to help, but because Ianto had insisted. For Jack, piloting was duty more than anything else. He’d been protecting humanity for so long that he could imagine doing little else apart from that. For Ianto, it was a joy to do it and he took over as often as Jack would let him – which was any time, unless the Captain had shooed him away and made him stop for a while, because it simply wasn’t healthy.

 

But now, Ianto was even paler than usual; his eyes tired and eyelids heavy. Under the well-defined muscles it was apparent how much weight he’d lost – whenever Jack had tried to feed him, Ianto had taken a bite and half-heartedly chewed on it before giving up altogether.

 

The ship had been in orbit around the planet for two weeks before landing, in which time the Queen had to talk with its habitants and ask if they were willing to take them in. Most of the starships that had escaped Earth so many centuries ago had already found new homes; they were the last ones left now, just as they had been the last ones to leave. The population was a lot for one planet, but Jack knew that history would take its course – soon enough, the colonies would start spreading among the galaxies and finally, there would be peace for humanity.

 

Ianto was fascinated by it all. Jack knew that for a Time Lord, he was really young and that, considering the War, he probably hadn’t seen a lot of the Universe and still, the amount of knowledge he had never ceased to amaze Jack. He had been ridiculously informed as a human, too, but it had changed now, somehow. Jack was trying not to see the differences and think about them, but he found himself dwelling on it quite often. It wasn’t the way Ianto acted; that hadn’t changed at all. It was the way he spoke of the life he’d had before – with a sense of longing that was almost painful to look at and that made Jack wish that he could give him something more than what they had now; something more than a starship that must have been awfully outdated for a Time Lord.

 

The aliens – humanoid creatures – which wasn’t surprising, considering it was Terrestrial planet – had been very welcoming and, as soon as they could, Jack and Ianto had landed _Starship UK_ and Jack, who knew that Ianto hadn’t been there before, took great pleasure in telling him everything he could about them.

 

“The locals are really good hosts,” Jack informed Ianto and he just nodded. The Captain could see the soldier in him – had always seen him, even without realising it – in gestures like this. He was ready to hear the plan, ask for detail, and go for it. Or, if it was him doing the planning, he’d show his strategy and lead everyone into battle. It was written in his every move. “I found you a place to sleep until the buildings begin to be build. I’ll join you as soon as I found how people travel around here.”

 

“I can’t go to sleep,” Ianto protested immediately. “The Queen said we had to meet–”

 

“Screw that,” Jack said decisively, taking the Time Lord’s hand and leading him into this planet’s equivalent of a hotel. “You need to rest. You’ve been awake for days. Come on.”

 

They had barely made it to the room before Ianto fell asleep in his arms.

 

**o.O.o**

 

There were people in the room. Ianto could distinctly make out their voices. The higher-pitched one belonged to the hostess; the second one wasn’t one he’d heard before.

 

“This would be him, I suppose,” the male, unknown voice said. He wasn’t human – the language was lurking beyond the surface of Ianto’s mind and he knew that his travelling in the TARDIS long ago had made him understand everything, but he idly wondered who kept hearing everything in English instead of Gallifreyan.

 

“Yes. Ianto Jones. One of the new arrivals. A man came to make sure that we’ll take care of him well while he wasn’t here.” She sounded almost offended at having her abilities questioned, and slightly on guard for having – whoever the man currently here was – wandering around, which proved to be good move on her side, if his next words were to be considered.

 

“Would you mind if I wait for him?” Ianto could hear him letting his weight fall on one leg and then the other as the wooden floor creaked lightly.

 

“The man?”

 

“No, him. His bound to wake up soon enough and I’d like to talk to him.”

 

“I’m not sure that would be a good idea, Mr....?”

 

There was the sound of someone looking for something in their pockets and then the rustling of paper. “I think this will explain everything.”

 

“Oh!” The hostess’s voice was nervous now; as if she’d made a rather obvious mistake. “You should have told me you were his doctor. Come in, come in. I’ll leave you to it.”

 

The door closed behind her and Ianto could feel something reacting to the woman’s words in the back of his mind, but he was too tired to explore it any further and, before he knew it, sleep claimed him again.

 

**o.O.o**

 

Ianto felt as if he was slowly dragged back to consciousness. Both his body and his mind protested strongly against the prospect, but he had a feeling that there was a reason for him to be waking up, even if he currently could see it. Slowly, reluctantly, he opened his eyes.

 

He gradually realised that there was someone in the room, and that this someone was sitting on his bed. It wasn’t Jack, and he had never seen him before and yet, he was strangely calm about it. Something in the man reminded him of his early childhood; he smelled like the garden he’d played in even in the rainy days; of the orange sky and the trees with the silver leaves that were so blindingly beautiful on the light of the sunrise.

 

The man was young, maybe a bit older that Ianto himself, with light brown hair, half of which was on his face, gentle brown-ish eyes and a patient expression that quickly transformed into a huge grin when Ianto acknowledged him.

 

“Hello!” He seemed beyond delighted, but there was something different in his eyes that he was trying to hide. Some anxiousness and fragile hope, like hoping for a sunny day but expecting a thunderstorm. Ianto felt briefly disoriented by the fact that he was basically lying on the floor before he remembered that for the species living here, bed was technically just a bunch of warm, soft fabric thrown about. That made the man uncomfortably seated next to him, with his own knees reaching his chin, but he didn’t seem to mind.

 

“Hello.” Ianto sat up warily, smiling as politely as he could. There it was again, that strange itch on the back of his head. There was something about the language... “I’m Ianto Jones. Sorry, have we met before? My mind’s been altered, and I still can’t remember everything...”

 

“Oh, I’m sure you will, Ianto Jones, and if it depends on me –” The man clapped his hands excitedly as he started pacing around the room. “– it will be very soon.”

 

“I don’t need any therapy you have in mind,” Ianto said hastily. He would kill Jack if this was his idea. He’d repeated again and again that he was feeling fine, but he would just never listen and Ianto had had to decline the services of quite a few of the army’s medical offices the Captain had summoned to try and bring back Ianto’s memories. “I’m fine, really. Believe me, I don’t need a...” His voice faltered when the man’s eyes brightened curiously. “...doctor.”

 

The grin became even wider and Ianto fell back on his pillow with a groan.

 

It was shaping to be that kind of day.

 

**o.O.o**

 

When Jack got back to the room he’d booked for himself and Ianto, he fond a sight distinctly different from the one he’d left. Ianto was awake, looking definitely less tired and he had a guest.

 

The Doctor – the new one, completely unknown to him and apparently already well-acquainted with Ianto – was talking excitedly and gesturing wildly while he poked the other Time Lord with his screwdriver every now and then, which made Ianto smile gently.

 

It was a great relief that they got along. Jack was very much aware that when Ianto thought of the Doctor, he saw Daleks and Cybermen and fire and, when the Earth had been moved, the young man had stayed well away from the screens as soon as the Doctor came into view. This new one, though, was different. So different that if it hadn’t been for the TARDIS, Jack wouldn’t have believed that it was the same man at all.

 

He’d stumbled across the blue box he hadn’t seen in so long while he’d been looking for any means of transport and, when the Doctor had come out, he’d thought that he was some new companion. It didn’t even cross his mind that it might be the Time Lord, but when he’d been greeted with a hug and a loud, ‘Jack!’, he’d picked up what was happening.

 

For him, it was getting to know the Doctor all over again. For Ianto, it was meeting the last of his own kind.

 

It would bring something good in the end, he was sure of it.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the glass door opening and the Doctor coming out of the room. Without a word, he just gave him the thumbs up with both hands – rather awkwardly – and got out of the way.

 

Ianto was sitting on their so-called bed – which, while on the floor, was better than the one-person bed they had had to share on the ship – and his face brightened when Jack entered the room.

 

“How are you feeling?” The Captain asked tentatively. He wasn’t sure if Ianto would want to discuss the Doctor and the way he’d come out of nowhere, but then decided to leave it. “Anything– new?”

 

“You could say that.” Ianto shrugged. “He managed to get some more memories out, but I still can’t remember my name, and the Doctor said that he didn’t want to play around with that.”

 

“’Play around’?”

 

“He connected fully with me.” Ianto’s face didn’t really give anything away, but his eyes were burning with excitement and Jack remembered with a wince his own failed attempt at the same thing. It was only logical, if he thought about it, of course – a Time Lord could comprehend the way Ianto’s mind worked; they could understand each other perfectly. He ignored the stab of discomfort he felt at that. “Y’know, on a psychical level. No one’s ever done that. They wouldn’t let is in One; all they ever wanted was eventual control over aliens with it.” He grimaced. “And thanks God, because who knows what would happen if I’d been discovered.” There wasn’t even a pause as he changed the topic rapidly. “I can remember most of my childhood now. Other than that, nothing new. I was right, this _is_ my first body. I’ve never regenerated.”

 

Jack felt quietly relieved about that – quietly, because this was another topic Ianto wouldn’t like to go into – but mostly for Ianto’s sake than his own. Yes, he knew he’d have a long, long life with Ianto now without having to worry (too much) that he might lose him any second and Ianto seemed pleased, too, but Jack suspected another reason behind it. Ianto had never been afraid of dying and he seemed to anticipate it sometimes, too, which scared Jack deeply, but – for someone seemingly so unshaken by anything – he was awfully vain. He was terrified at the mere thought of growing older and looking like someone in his early twenties forever would probably do him just fine. Right now, his lover looked like he’d just woken up on Christmas morning.

 

The Captain felt breathless with the thought of it; the idea that he’d be able to keep Ianto close next to himself for longer than he’d allowed himself to even dream of. That the three decades he’d imagined and hadn’t got with Ianto had turned to maybe thousands of years and that Ianto would never be scared that Jack wouldn’t want him any longer (which, as Jack had told him countless of times, was ridiculous, but had Ianto ever listened to him) and would always stay like this – the boy that had gone through so much things and yet never became bitter because of it; the one who could still see the miracles and the wonders of the world after so much pain, which was exactly what Jack had fallen in love with. He was beautiful, just like this, with the small smile on his sculpted face and the bright blue eyes which never lacked a spark of curiosity for everything he saw.

 

“He said I was, quote, ‘just a kid’, and I had a hard time convincing him hat I’ve been in the War and also that I’ve matured while I was human – well, sort of, anyway.” Jack just nodded at him to continue. “The Doctor...” Ianto bit his lip uncertainly. “The Doctor said that, if I wanted to, that is, I could go with him. He said he’d show me around.” A nervous laugh. “’Around’ being all of time and space, I suppose. He’s rather the dramatic type.”

 

Jack felt as if there was something heavy down his throat and it only got more and more suffocating with every word Ianto said, making him speechless by the time he actually wanted to say anything.

 

“So–” He tried to speak past that lump without choking on his own words. “Will you? Go with him, I mean?”

 

Ianto’s eyes lit up. “Of course! Can you imagine that? I can already think of so many places and times I’d like to visit. I’ve got so much more to learn!”

 

“You do,” Jack agreed softly. His voice was somewhat hoarser and he tried to force it back and make it as casual as possible. “Of course you do. You’re a Time Lord, I keep forgetting that. You have every right to– to go everywhere you want and–” His voice died and Jack gave up on it as he could feel everything in his mind screaming, _I just got you back!_ “It would be cruel to cage you.”

It was selfish, he knew it was. Even if Ianto was still human, he would’ve had no right to keep him here just because he wanted him for himself. Ianto seemed simply enchanted by the idea of travelling, and who wouldn’t be? It was a chance of a lifetime, especially for someone like him.

 

All these reasons seemed perfectly reasonable, and still... _It isn’t fair_. He’d just thought he – they – could be happy. And, as selfish as it was, Jack didn’t feel ready to let Ianto go and be happy on his own.

 

“Jack?” Ianto searched his face with wide blue eyes, radiating with worry. “Did I– was it something I said? You all right?”

 

Jack nodded hastily. “Of course.” He started blinking as fast as he could. God, this was pathetic. He brought Ianto closed and kissed his forehead gently. “I love you.”

 

There. Not that hard. Never had been hard, he realised now that it was finally done without any of them being on the point of dying or being sealed on the other side of the Rift. It was as simple as breathing; it was a relief to say it so it wouldn’t keep clawing at his insides, trying to break free. Much to his misfortune, it was a declaration as well as a goodbye.

 

“Okay, now you’re really starting to freak me out.” Ianto gave him a gentle, troubled smile. “What’s the matter?”

 

“Nothing,” Jack hurried to respond; his voice a bit too loud as he tried to sound nonchalant. “It’s just... Give me a call every now and then, will you?”

 

“What?” Ianto’s voice and expression were entirely clueless and Jack felt a flicker of hope. “Jack–” Ianto shook his head and brought his lover closer to kiss him furiously.

 

For a moment, Jack relaxed into the kiss. It was familiar and absolutely divine, with Ianto trailing his hand around Jack’s back and the other one sneaking into his hair to fist it gently, his warm, insistent tongue slipping past Jack’s lips and flicking over his teeth. There was a bit of fond annoyance seeping through and Jack had felt that too many times not to know what it meant. “You idiot,” Ianto murmured between breathless kisses. “You beautiful, amazing _idiot_.” At Jack’s puzzled expression, he smiled again. “You’re coming with us, you berk. The Doctor said you’re just as welcome on board as I am. I’m not going anywhere without you.” A small, pleased smirk curled his lover’s lips. “Would’ve missed me _that_ much, eh?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Now, Jack, I would never have thought–”

 

“ _Shut up_.”

 

Ianto’s laugh – clear and sincere – rang in the mostly empty room. “All right, all right. Sorry. So, as I was saying before you decided to make a quick stop at the Drama Queen Station, he offered us a ride. I’m all for it, so unless this planet is more remarkable than Earth in the Victorian era, I say we pack our things and go.”

 

The Victorian era. Ianto was as obsessed with it as Jack was by the forties, and the Captain felt he should have seen this coming. “Does it need to be the Victorian era?” He protested. “It really wasn’t what it was made up to be later.”

 

“If you’re blaming me for romanticising a time period, then you’ll win the Hypocrite of the Year award. Again.”

 

“It was dirty. And messy. You wouldn’t like it.”

 

“I still want to see it.” Ianto quickly stood up and started looking for clothes that weren’t his uniform, when Jack decided to interfere.

 

“Don’t bother. There’s a wardrobe in the TARDIS – quite literally anything you want, so–”

 

“Well, what are we waiting for, then?”

 

Jack couldn’t help but laugh at his lover’s enthusiasm and, as they picked up their mostly unpacked luggage and went through the door, their hands linked, he could feel Ianto’s excitement mixing with his own as a manic grin spread over his face.

 

“What is it?” Ianto asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

“I would like to travel the world with you twice,” he said, not quite sure where he’d seen the quote, as Ianto raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Once, to see the world. Twice, to see the way you see the world.”

 

And, as they made their way to the TARDIS, Jack knew that it could apply to both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out rather longer than I intended it to be, and I once again, there’s a character I cherish dearly and that I wouldn’t like to spoil with out-of-characterness, so please let me know that if I have (I’m pretty sure you’ll see who I’m talking about a page or two into the chapter).  
> The Greg-Ianto-James-Gideon thing will be explained in the next chapter. I haven’t abandoned the storyline, I’ve just needed time to shape it up a bit.  
> References to things – the one about Jack going to hell – it’s mentioned several times – is from In the Shadows, which is a Torchwood audiobook (the conversation they’re referencing to later is made up by me, though; I have this written around somewhere and was thinking of uploading it). Arkannis Major is from The Stealers of Dreams, which is a Doctor Who book. The song used both times is Breath of Life by Florence and the Machine.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and I’d really like it if you let me know what I think about it.

_I was looking for a breath of life_

_A little touch of heavenly light_

_To get a dream of life again_

_A little vision of the start at the end_

After a half-an-hour tour around the TARDIS, Jack finally managed to find Ianto’s new room. The inside of it was, the Captain guessed, what his lover had always wanted from a room – everything was made of dark wood, even the four poster queen-sized bed. The furniture was sort of Victorian-looking and there was a very big, richly ornamented fireplace. Jack could only assume it was decorative, but it still gave the place a nice touch.

 

Ianto was staring at the blank walls and, as he heard the door opening, turned to face Jack with a smile.

 

“What d’you think – dark brown or navy blue?”

 

“Dark brown, Jack answered absent-mindedly, still taking in his surroundings, then stared s the walls immediately turned into Ianto’s desired colour, with added black rhombi and minute floral motives all over. “How did you do that?”

 

Ianto seemed surprised by the question. “I ask the TARDIS and she does it. Why, how did you organise your room?” He seemed so familiar with it all; so in his element that Jack’s heart ached.

 

Most nights they shared a bed and the Captain often remained awake for a long, long time, just listening to the steady beating of his lover’s hearts. The Doctor had told him that Ianto had always been who he was now, he had just had to become aware of it, and yet Jack feared. Feared that one day he would wake up, look into the eyes of the man he loved and the Time Lord he hardly knew would look back at him, because Ianto Jones would be gone forever.

 

Being close to the Doctor had improved Ianto’s memories greatly. He was remembering more and more of his childhood and while he rarely talked about his parents, but it was clear that he’d loved them dearly. The Doctor seemed simply charmed by it all – by Ianto himself – and Jack suspected that he’d decided to be the father figure he thought was missing in the younger Time Lord’s life. They had had a few fights concerning the topic, and Jack had been guiltily glad that Ianto always brought up the fact that his years as a human were something to be noted.

 

The Captain shook his head, as if to chase those thoughts away, and his attention was attracted by a small pot plant on the floor that seemed to be moving much more than it was supposed to. “What’s that?”

 

Ianto’s face lit up as he sat on his bed and gestured to Jack to come over. “It reacts to your emotions. A bit like the human mood rings, except it actually picks up your thoughts – well, on a basic level – and goes by them.”

 

 _Human_ , a small voice in Jack’s head supplied mockingly. _How distant does that sound,_ and the plant’s leaves were suddenly darker and sharper somehow.

 

“I had one like that when I was a kid.” Ianto’s quiet words were enough to draw Jack up on the surface again. He was intently listening now, eager to hear what Ianto was willing to share with him.

 

“My father gave it to me when I first said that I wanted to be a leader into a group of explorers – not that there was much left to explore by my time – and then narrowed it down to one of the army’s specialised squads – y’know, go on other planets to clarify our political relationship with them. He told me that if I wanted to be a leader, I’d have to learn to control my emotions and he bought one of those for me. Whenever I got sad or angry, I looked at it and it calmed me down. I liked to see it healthy, not the way it got whenever my darker side woke up, so I gradually started training myself. It helped later, when the War started.”

 

“Tell me about them,” Jack asked quietly after a few moments of silence. “About your parents.” He wanted to have it back; that feeling that he had always treasured when with Ianto – the sense that you understood and _were_ understood in kind.

 

Ianto’s lips curled into a small smile. “They were the most amazing people I’ve ever known. They were both about three hundred years old when I was born, and I’ve seen my father regenerate once. Not that it made any difference, really.”

 

“What do you mean?” Jack had unintentionally lowered his voice, as if he was being told a fairytale.

 

“They believed that you had to keep your body all through your life, because otherwise you lost parts of yourself every time. Which is why I think about keeping this body when the moment comes. I stopped aging in the moment I realised what I was, and being twenty-four forever doesn’t sound bad.”

 

Jack agreed wholeheartedly. Ianto was classically beautiful with his pale, almost white skin and perfectly sculpted body. The movement of the muscles under his skin was hypnotising. His cheekbones drew attention to his face, the bright, intense blue eyes and the perfectly-styled dark hair that surrounded it, took Jack’s breath away every time he looked at him. If one had to be frozen in appearance, then this was one of the best things he could imagine.

 

Ianto chuckled quietly. “Mind you, I might make myself a bit younger next time, just to keep it interesting.”

 

“Don’t,” Jack said, more sharply than he’d intended. “It’s bad enough as it is.”

 

Ianto frowned and Jack almost regretted what he’d said. “What do you mean, bad enough?”

 

“I’m immortal,” the Captain started tentatively. “And I age very, very slowly. But I still do. And it’s been three thousand years.”

 

He remembered how he’d always been mystified by Ianto’s terror of growing older, and here he was now, fussing exactly over that, because his lover would remain completely unchanged all through his long life.

 

Ianto’s eyes searched his face and a pale, delicate hand caressed Jack’s cheek. “You’re beautiful, Jack,” he said softly at last. “Every inch of you. You’ve barely changed and plus, the change only makes it clear what you’ve been through. These are your battle scars, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of them.”

 

When Jack didn’t seem too convinced, Ianto kept going. “You can’t compare yourself to me, Jack. My life will still be really short compared to yours. You’ve already lived thrice the longest my life could possibly be. You’ve been through so much. And I’m so proud of you.”

 

Jack couldn’t make himself break the silence that came after this. He met Ianto’s eyes and what he saw in them was someone brilliant, bright, gentle and hard all at the same time, and still quite alien to him.

 

And that was when Jack realised that Ianto hadn’t changed in the slightest.

 

**o.O.o**

The Doctor had told them that his companions – Amy and Rory, he’d called them – had got married and therefore weren’t around all the time anymore. There was apparently also the fact that the bigger part of the Universe thought that he was dead, but he hadn’t dwelled too much on that one. And, while they weren’t really informed on his current situation, there was someone that visited somewhat often and that clearly intrigued Ianto greatly.

 

River Song was, Jack had to admit, quite the woman. She was clever and brave and funny and an endless source of bewilderment for Ianto. She seemed to find it rather entertaining; the way he always reacted to her, and soon enough they became friends.

 

As nice as River was, Jack found himself getting slightly on guard around her. She was too much like him for him to trust her, but Ianto was having none of it. Whenever she was around, it was all ‘Look at what River gave me’ or ‘Sorry, Jack, can’t come now, I’m modifying one of River’s guns for her’ or ‘Oh, hello, Jack! What is it? Has River arrived already?’

 

Ianto and River made a perfect team, Jack had to give them that much. They were perfectly in sync with one another and always ready to cover or be covered before they had really thought of it. They seemed to have the same opinion on anything, which was making Jack rather nervous. The more he got to know River, the more suspicious he felt. Even if he disregarded the Vortex Manipulator that, no matter what Ianto said, Jack knew that somehow it didn’t just look like his own, but it _was_ the same one, there was something about her that screamed Time Agent and anything of the sort made him paranoid.

 

He never said anything, of course. River seemed to be very important to the Doctor and he didn’t want to hurt her feelings – not that she looked like someone who’d be impressed by people’s opinions. But that didn’t make it much easier, especially when he once came into Ianto’s room, only to find her sleeping – fully clothed, yes, but still – on his lover’s bed. The only explanation he got for that one was, ‘She was dead tired, Jack.’ and Ianto’s very big and very blue eyes staring at him, pleading him to understand.

 

(If he had to be perfectly honest with himself, Jack would probably have admitted that one of the things that bothered him so much was the fact that River was half-Time Lord and that if she tried, she’d probably be able to match Ianto’s inhuman libido much better than Jack, who had actually _died_ once or twice. Not that he was jealous. Nothing of the sorts. There was just something fishy going on here, even if everyone else insisted on ignoring it).

 

The line was finally crossed when Jack woke up one morning alone. He and Ianto had separate rooms mostly because they had different ideas for design – Ianto’s was on the brink of steampunk, not that he would ever admit it – but they slept together most of the time.

 

Yet here he was, surrounded by Ianto’s deep red satin sheets and the man’s side of the bed was cold, as if he hadn’t been there for hours. Jack glanced at the clock on the wall, and then remembered where he was. The clock was there because of Ianto’s major obsession with clocks in general, not because it actually worked.

 

Muttering to himself, Jack got up and got his trousers one. He couldn’t remember wearing a shirt last night, so he’d have to get one of Ianto’s.

 

Which meant, of course, that he only got increasingly frustrated as he went through the shirts that looked great on Ianto, but had the most ridiculous colours when hung in the wardrobe. Then, as he finally picked up a dark blue one, he realised that it was too tight in the shoulders and just an inch too long when it came to the sleeves, which meant that it covered his fingers to the second knuckle. Ianto was slightly taller and narrower in the shoulders, so Jack just left it hanging open, already slightly agitated with no one to take it out on.

 

Except for the Doctor, who was in the main control room, fiddling with something on the console. He looked up when he heard Jack come in and fixed him with that sunny smile that never failed to lighten anybody’s mood.

 

“Have you seen Ianto?” Jack asked. “I’ve been looking for him.”

 

The Doctor made a vague gesture with his hand. “He’s out. I think.”

 

“Out? Where?” Jack immediately felt alarmed. Ianto out was a fairly dangerous prospect. Ianto on the loose by himself meant that things were about to happen. “When and where are we?”

 

“Colony World Arkannis Major, the 42nd century.” The Doctor’s voice was distracted as he kept poking around and pulled out a strange tool from under the console.

 

“Arkannis Major? You’re kidding!”

 

“You remember, then?” The Doctor’s smile grew all the bigger.

 

It was a vague memory, but it was there. A long time ago, when he’d still been travelling with Rose and the Doctor, they had stumbled across this planet. A human colony whose laws banned fiction in all its forms. The three of them had helped and things had changed, but Jack didn’t know how much. After all, fourteen centuries had passed for the people out there.

 

“What’s he doing here?”

 

“He said he needed a watch that would work with time travel. I wanted to give him one, but I’ve only got mine.” The Doctor showed him his wrist and the most complicated-looking watch Jack had ever seen. “Anyway, he was telling me about it and River said she knew a local watchmaker and that he could to it perfectly.

 

Oh. They had gone shopping. Great.

 

“I wonder why you two haven’t adopted him already,” Jack muttered darkly.

 

“Well actually, it’s a rather complex ceremony and I don’t think– Oh.” The Doctor’s voice died when he caught the Captain’s expression.

 

Jack wondered how the man could still be so oblivious to irony when he spent so much time with River and Ianto who (if one didn’t count the coffee and also some bluish meat that they seemed to adore and that Jack did not feel prepared to question) both lived off sarcasm and inappropriate puns.

 

“You’ve got nothing to worry about,” the Doctor said carefully, placing a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “They’re going to be absolutely fine.”

 

“Did they take any weapons?”

 

The Doctor looked a bit troubled for a moment before answering. “Yes, I think they might have, actually.”

 

At which point Jack decided that he wouldn’t let the Doctor adopt anything or anyone if his life depended on it.

 

He was just about to voice his fears when the door opened with a bang and Ianto stumbled inside, a smoking gun in his hand and a rapidly spreading burn on his cheek.

 

“Hold them out,” he shouted as he tried to ignore the pain and Jack went to him even before hearing River’s cry of ‘Someone help him!’ as she fired at their attackers from the door. “One of the Yollians spat its venom at him.” With that, she managed to get in and close the door.

 

“Yollians?” The Doctor asked, incredulous.

 

“Big. Insect-like. Eat everything that breathes in their direction,” Ianto gasped out.

 

“What are Yollians doing here?” The older Time Lord still seemed to insist on having this conversation right now, and Jack felt his patience finally snapping.

 

“I don’t care! What’s the antidote for their venom?”

 

“There must be something in the greenhouse.” Ianto winced as even the minute movement of his lips made the wound spread more quickly. “Doctor! That red leafy thing– on the west end, under the banana tree...” The Doctor just nodded before walking off to find him.

 

Jack turned to River. “Do you think you’d be able to fix up the cure from that plant?”

 

“Completely sure,” she assured him and there was something about her faith in it that gave Jack the power to think rationally. He nodded. “Thank you.”

 

And with that, he pulled Ianto up from where he’d leaned against the wall and took his fell weight as he threw the younger man’s arm over his own shoulders.

 

“I can walk on my own,” Ianto protested, opening his eyes with great difficulty. Jack just looked at him sternly. “No, really. I’m–”

 

“Hush now,” the Captain instructed softly as he slowly made his way back to their room. “Let me take care of you.”

 

**o.O.o**

A couple of hours later, when the Doctor and River were ready with the product they needed to heal Ianto’s wound, Jack was sitting by his lover’s side, gently rubbing the cream over his face.

 

“What happened?” He asked, not really pushing it, but still in need for details. Ianto sighed and tried to speak – the burns had spread over his lower lip as well. “We met some people who knew River and apparently felt the need to get some revenge for– whatever it is they think she’s done to them. They had those things – Yollians – as some sort of guard dogs and they sent them after her.”

 

“So you tried to protect her and they hit you instead.” It wasn’t an actual question and Ianto raised his eyebrows at Jack’s tone of voice. “Yes.” Jack snorted and Ianto narrowed his eyes. “What did you expect me to do, Jack? Leave her on her own?”

 

“No! No, of course not.” The slightest of pauses. “It wouldn’t be you if you’d done it. But... could you please _try_ to take care of yourself? I thought now that you’re nearly immortal, this would stop.”

 

Ianto frowned at him. “What are you talking about?”

 

Jack gave a deep sigh. “When I came back, Owen gave me a report on everyone and the report said that you were in perfect health.” There was a pause and then the words started spilling without any control whatsoever. “And he said that he wanted to talk to me about you separately. That in one month, you’d nearly died nine times and actually died once and, quote, ‘I had to give him CPR, Jack, and this was not an experience I needed’.” Ianto managed a weak chuckle that died out as soon as the pain in his cheek hit him again. “He said that it wasn’t because you were incapable or downright suicidal, but because you – sort of got high on the risk. On that single moment when you think you won’t make it.”

 

“’Got high on the risk’? That a medical term?”

 

“Ianto.”

 

The man in question was avoiding his eyes pointedly, his gaze fixed on the clock on the wall, and Jack briefly wondered if he was drawing comfort from it. The Captain dipped his fingers – clad in surgical gloves, because the Doctor had insisted – in the cream and started spreading it over Ianto’s wound again.

 

“And I’ve see it too,” he continued softly. “So many times. When you brought me back from Hell and went home, you–” Ianto nodded hastily. That was a night neither of them would forget – in a pleasant way for once. “And it was always like that. Every time you were close to dying. It got you excited; flirting with Death day by day and not giving a damn if you’d live to see tomorrow.”

 

“I got your point,” Ianto interrupted at last, rather stiffly. When the immortal opened his mouth again, he snapped, “I got it, Jack.”

 

“I thought it might stop. Now that you’re nearly unable to die. That you won’t feel the same need to– to do this.”

 

“It wasn’t like that,” the Time Lord protested. “I was just trying to protect her.”

 

“I know,” Jack assured him. “I know, but... your regenerations won’t last forever. Try to take care of yourself, all right?”

 

After a few seconds of a silent conversation passing between them, Ianto nodded.

 

_And the fever began to spread_

_From my heart down to my legs_

_And although I wasn’t losing my mind_

_I was looking for a breath of life_

And he did try, Jack could tell. And yet, it was no surprise when, as they were caught up in battle and the Doctor didn’t see the gun aimed at him from behind, Ianto threw himself in front of him as a shield.

 

Later, Jack would pointlessly think about it, rewind the memory in his mind again and again and wonder if he’d been too far away or not fast enough or if he just hadn’t seen it coming; wondering why he hadn’t managed to take Ianto’s place without having to go through what the young Time Lord would have to endure. What he actually remembered of it, though, was they way the world had gone completely quiet and unmoving; the way Ianto had seemed almost surprised when the bullet pierced through his skin.

 

Without realising he’d been moving, Jack had already reached Ianto and knelt next to him.

 

“It’s okay,” Ianto was saying to the Doctor. “I’ll be fine.”

 

“Why?” The other Time Lord’s eyes were burning with that devastating fury that appeared so rarely but that also destroyed everything in its wake. “Why would you _do_ this?” He felt powerless, Jack realised, and he couldn’t say he was shocked. That was what Ianto did, without even knowing it – he got under your skin and then bit from the inside out so that the damage was there for everyone to see. He didn’t do it on purpose, and that was exactly why it happened.

 

“I’ve got– more to give than you,” Ianto managed, a small smile curling his lips as he took a shaky breath.

 

“What do I do?” Jack asked, addressing the Doctor, but the man didn’t seem to hear him. “Doctor, what do I do?”

 

And suddenly, he snapped out of it. “Get him into the TARDIS. _Now_.”

 

Jack took Ianto up in his arms with no difficulty and heard him protesting against being carried.

 

“Jesus Christ, Ianto,” he whispered, feeling more helpless than he’d ever been. “Why does it always have to be you?”

 

“Remember what you told me?” Ianto asked, taking shallow, painful breaths and pressing his fingers to the wound to stop the bleeding. As if it mattered anymore. “When we came–” A shiver went through him. “When we came back from hell.”

 

“Yes,” jack said, his voice choked. “I told you that you’ll be the death of me one day. I also told you that you scare the hell out of me.” A hysterical laughter made its way past his lips at the unintended pun. The Ianto from Hell had been everything in _his_ Ianto that made Jack so afraid of him. “And you said, ‘quite right, too’.”

 

“Now you understand, don’t you?” Thanks God, they were nearing the TARDIS.

 

“You already knew by then?”

 

A small nod. “I already knew. Not everything. But most of the things. I tried to warn you that I won’t be any good in the long run, and look at us now.”

 

“It’s worth it,” Jack said, his voice barely audible. “Every second of it.”

 

“I’m glad.” Ianto whispered, then shifted in the Captain’s arms. “You have to let me go now, Jack.”

 

The Doctor opened the door of the TARDS and into the main control room. “He’s right, Jack, let him go. He needs to do this by himself.”

 

Jack reluctantly let Ianto get back on his feet as the man staggered away from him.

 

“Ianto, come here!” The Doctor commanded and Jack could only watch in disbelief as his lover accepter the other Time Lord’s support. Did they think that he wouldn’t understand?

 

The Doctor was rapidly explaining something to Ianto and the man’s face paled even more than usual, then he shook his head frantically. There was another exchange of words, then the Doctor nodded and Ianto stepped away from him.

 

“Just focus on who you are,” the Doctor said. “You can remain the same if you remember who you are, what grounds you to this body.”

 

Ianto’s only response was to close his eyes to concentrate and then he looked at Jack, his skin already letting out a shimmer that covered every part of him that wasn’t hidden by clothes.

 

“See you in a minute,” he said with a nervous smile.

 

“Ianto–” Jack made to step forward, only to have Ianto gesture at him to stay away. “No! Don’t come near me. Whatever happens, don’t touch me until I tell you. And, if I’m asleep, until the Doctor tells you.”

 

“All right,” Jack agreed quickly. “Do what you have to. Take your time.”

 

“It’s hard.” Ianto’s voice was quiet. “I repressed it last time and now I can’t–”

 

“Ianto.” The Doctor neared the younger Time Lord again. “Listen to me carefully now. I want you to feel it. Every little part of the energy that heals you; every little spark of life inside you. I want you to embrace it. Okay?” Ianto nodded briskly and the Doctor stepped back. “Good luck!”

 

And, before any of them could do anything else, Ianto finally allowed himself to give in to his body’s instincts and Jack and the Doctor shielded their eyes as the world around them exploded into golden light.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, as I don’t really see where I could lead this story from now on, but if you have any ideas, I’d love to hear them, so don’t be afraid to tell me what you think of it. I’d be really glad to know.  
> Various things that you might want to know – the chronon energy bit is inspired – again – from the Twilight Streets, where Jack talks about the energy that stays in the body when someone travels in time.  
> The quotes used are both from T.S. Eliot, the first one from The Waste Land and the second one from The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.  
> Anyway, I hope you like it and, as I said, feedback is appreciated.

_And I will show you something different from either_

_Your shadow at morning striding behind you_

_Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;_

_I will show you fear in a handful of dust._

The TARDIS had made the walls of Ianto’s room transparent when the Doctor had asked for it and now he and Jack were staring at the younger Time Lord’s sleeping form, with the Doctor desperately trying to distract him from the situation at hand.

 

The moment Ianto had fallen asleep – already safely in his bed and still shouting at Jack from a distance to keep away – the door had closed and, despite Jack’s several attempts to get in, it had remained that way until now. The Doctor – who surely knew what was going on – hadn’t bothered with explanations. He hadn’t even thought of a lie that would keep him where he was and Jack might have felt offended by that if he wasn’t so worried.

 

His eyes wandered back on his lover on the other side of the glass and Jack sighed as he took in Ianto’s lifeless body. He wasn’t dead – the Captain knew that perfectly well – but the sight still sent shivers down his spine. He looked so fragile. So small and pale and unmoving, which was the most unusual thing for him in it all. Jack shuddered.

 

“How much longer, Doctor?” Jack asked, desperate, as another tiny burst of golden energy left Ianto’s lips. “Wasn’t he supposed to have woken up by now?”

 

“It’s been twelve hours,” the Doctor said, clearly irritated, without taking his eyes off Ianto. “Of course he isn’t. He needs to rest. You have no idea how exhausted his body is right now.”

 

It was unfair, really. The Doctor had been the one to check Ianto’s pulse and overall condition when he’d fallen asleep after his regeneration. River was currently in there, like she’d been doing for the past hour, just sitting by the bed and stroking Ianto’s hair and looking completely lost in her thoughts. Even _Amy_ had went in to tentatively poke him with her finger and then went through Ianto’s entire library, and that was _really_ unfair, because she had never even _met_ Ianto, and yet Jack was the only one banned from being with him. For now, only Rory had steered well clear from the whole thing and that made him Jack’s favourite person in this situation.

 

For something that claimed to be an endless ship, the TARDIS was really rather full right now, or so it felt like to the Captain. The Doctor seemed to understand and yet, he was staring at Ianto as if he were seeing a miracle.

 

“Does it have anything with the time travel I’ve done before coming here? While I was a Time Agent?” Jack wasn’t giving up.

 

“Mmm?”

 

“When you travel in time, especially if you’re exposed to the Vortex, there’s always at least a trace of chronon energy left in you. Would it disturb the regeneration?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “And if the answer is yes, then why is River allowed to be there?”

 

“What is your problem with River?” At least he’d got the Doctor’s attention, Jack thought darkly. Merely saying ‘River’ was somewhat of a code word for bringing him back to Earth, even if he got the peeved expression with it. “This has nothing to do with chronon energy. You’re not allowed in there because Ianto said you’re not, and I know for a fact that he’s got his reasons. And River is not a Time Agent.”

 

This took him off guard. “No? Then why does she have–”

 

“This?” The Doctor nodded to Jack’s wrist strap. “She bought it so she can get about by herself. And sometimes I really wish she couldn’t.”

 

The Captain frowned, temporarily distracted from his misery. “What do you mean?”

 

The Doctor swallowed heavily. “I’ve already seen her die,” he admitted quietly, glancing at her in the room only to see her still completely zoning out. “At first I thought we were moving in opposite directions, but it’s not like that. It’s way more complicated. I can meet her at any point of her or my timeline because she goes where she likes and– she keeps saying that we’ve got to visit Dallirium, but that’s when she’s seen me last – before she died – and I thought that if I keep putting it off, it won’t have to end. Not just for me, but for her. It won’t have to end for her. She won’t have to go there yet.”

 

He looked more helpless than Jack had ever seen him and for a moment, the Captain felt disoriented by it; seeing one of the wisest and oldest creatures in the Universe so lost and clueless.

 

“I thought that I was so clever; that I’ve figured it all out.” The Time Lord laughed bitterly. “But I haven’t. I know nothing about her; not really. I know where and when she’s been raised, but she won’t talk about her childhood; about anything but the present moment, really.”

 

Jack smiled humourlessly. “Tell me about it. Ianto is the only person I’ll never figure out. There’s the added factor of showing up everywhere and everywhen, too, and that makes it all the better.” The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Haven’t I told you? I keep meeting him. The same man, different time and place and different name, but just the same person. First it was Greg, World War Two. Then Ianto himself. Then James in the thirty-first century, and Gideon on _Starship UK_. I keep meeting him and he has no idea who I am; it’s a first for him every time. He was fascinated by it when I told him.”

 

“Why do you think that Ianto’s the original, then?”

 

Jack’s voice was barely audible. “Because he was the only one who came back for me. And because they all died, but he didn’t.”

 

“But he did the first time.” The Doctor prompted delicately. Jack nodded. “How? How did he die?”

 

“He was killed by an alien virus. Then I met him half a year later, the House of the Dead– I accidentally brought him back to life. He wasn’t like the other ghosts; he was taken out of time and he was real. Actually, properly real. He closed the Rift and that’s how I met him again – he walked out through a crack in time and space.”

 

“He exposed himself to the Vortex.” Jack looked sideways at the Doctor and could see that he was already calculating the possibilities. “If it was a human doing it, he would’ve been ripped apart by the sheer power of it, but a Time Lord.... he survived. And he did much more without even knowing it. He scattered himself everywhere; everything that he could have been happening at once. And a few of them found you.”

 

Jack opened his mouth, then closed it again and just shook his head. Trust the Doctor to find the answer to a question that’s been torturing him for a two millennia in half a minute. Just as was about to say something, the door to Ianto’s room opened and River came out, a small smile on her lips and with eyes that twinkled with excitement.

 

“He’s waking up.” She said and the Doctor pushed himself off the wall he was currently leaning against. “His pulse is speeding up and his temperature is stabilising, so I’d say that it’ll happen any moment now.”

 

The Doctor clapped his hands, as if that decided everything, and followed her in, throwing Jack an apologising look over his shoulder.

 

“Can I see him now?”

 

“Of course you can.” Just as the Captain made to follow, River shook her head. “As soon as he says that you can. Which, hopefully, won’t be long.” Which was, Jack supposed, a polite way of saying ‘you’d better stop asking stupid questions now, because my gun is better than yours’. Which, admittedly, had been said and acted upon a few times. Ianto’s hopes of making them get along had failed so far.

 

By the time the Doctor had unceremoniously closed the door behind his back, Jack was already back to watching intently through the window and saw both him and River sitting on both sides of the bed as Ianto started shifting in his sleep.

 

No matter how many times he’d been joking about them adopting Ianto, he knew that they _were_ a family, in a way, and the idea of it should have made him happy – the three of them could really use a family in their lives – but instead, it felt like a punch in the gut. The thing that always made Jack keep going was the thought of being useful, and he couldn’t find that feeling now.

 

They could make a TV show, he thought sardonically. The family of Time Lords who brought along a stray ex-Time Agent on their adventures. Oh, yes, Jack is still there, but who the hell cares? He looked at them again to find Ianto sitting up in the bed, giving them both a hug and adding a kiss on the cheek for River as they apparently congratulated him for the successful regeneration. Who knew? Maybe that was what Time Lords always did.

 

With a sigh, Jack leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes, and waited.

 

_There will be time, there will be time_   
_To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;_   
_There will be time to murder and create,_   
_And time for all the works and days of hands_   
_That lift and drop a question on your plate;_   
_Time for you and time for me,_   
_And time yet for a hundred indecisions,_   
_And for a hundred visions and revisions,_   
_Before the taking of a toast and tea._

Ianto opened his eyes slowly and started blinking rapidly, trying to get the room he knew so well into focus. The first thing he saw was the clock on the wall opposite from his bed and then – right above him – two very familiar faces. He felt a smile creeping on his lips as relief washed over him.

 

“Hello,” he tried. The voice was still the one he knew; the soft Welsh accent and the deep, slightly muffled pronunciation of the words. “Am I still–”

 

The Doctor nodded and a huge grin dawned on his face. “Very much yourself, yes.”

 

“You were brilliant.” River’s expression was gentle and she stroked his cheek. “Not that I was here to see it, but... the first regeneration is always hard.”

 

“We would know,” the Doctor added, nodding dutifully to her words, and Ianto couldn’t help but laugh. He still felt light-headed with the feeling of everything being so _new;_ he technically hadn’t changed one bit and he could still feel something different inside himself.

 

He gave the other Time Lord a tight hug and then did the same with River, kissing her on the cheek as he did so. He knew that she couldn’t be around at all times and yet, every time she wasn’t there, he missed her greatly. She had been the first one to act normally around him since he’d come on board of the TARDIS nearly a year ago. She hadn’t looked at him with slight hesitation or touched him tentatively like he would explode if she did the wrong thing; she had just accepted his presence and went with it happily, which was exactly what he’d desperately needed at the time. “I missed you,” he mumbled, then quickly retreated as he saw the Doctor watching him like a hawk, only half-jokingly. He had had a hard time convincing the man that he wasn’t any competition for River’s attentions – not that she’d allow it, anyway, and he was quite sure that she saw him as a little brother that she could drag with her as he gladly went on with her ideas on what consisted of ‘a walk outside’ (actually, that mostly consisted of shooting and running from things, but neither of them would have had it any other way).

 

“Jack told me about your other... selves he’d met before.” The Doctor started carefully. “And I think that, if you want it, that is, you can go see some of them. He mentioned that you were interested.”

 

Ianto nodded distractedly and then suddenly, a thought dawned on him. “Oh God. Jack. He must have driven you crazy.”

 

They both nodded in unison.

 

“He did.”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“Tell him he can come in.” Truth was, Ianto wanted to see him, too, despite being a bit anxious. Jack had just fully got used to the idea of it all and was starting to realise that he was the same person he’d been when Jack had known him on Earth, and this had to happen. He could just bet that the regeneration had made him freak out and he had quite possibly not recovered from it yet.

 

“There’s just one thing,” the Doctor said hastily. “What you said before– does it still stand? You won’t tell him?”

 

“No,” Ianto said decisively. “Never. I know that it’s selfish and that if he wants to...” He choked on his own breath as his eyes started stinging and he tried to speak through it. God, that was embarrassing. “...if he wants to die, I have to tell him, but I can’t. Not yet.”

 

He could clearly remember what the Doctor had told him just before the regeneration had started when the man had took him away to speak to him. He’d told him that the powers that drove Ianto’s regeneration were the streams of time itself and that if Jack was to touch him before the process had ended fully, it would have the opposite effect on his immortality. He would become mortal and, as Ianto had listened to him with increasing horror, he could tell that the Doctor’s words had been half warning and half a proposition. And a question – if Jack had to know this or if it would remain secret. Ianto had been pretty clear about it then and his answer had been, of course, not a word to Jack about it. He couldn’t bear the thought of letting Jack die and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself – quite literally – if he knew that it was his fault.

 

“The decision is his,” River added quietly. “I think he’s got the right to know. Not now, maybe, but one day–”

 

“One day,” Ianto agreed eagerly as he threw his blanket off himself and his eyes flickered from one of them to the other. “Is it safe now? Can I go to him?”

 

The Doctor nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “Go ahead.”

 

Ianto smiled at them both again before climbing off his bed and making his way to the door as the TARDIS quietly brought his wall back to its usual state. He didn’t fancy people walking by and staring through the window every now and then.

 

Jack was waiting for him outside and rushed of him the moment they saw each other.

 

“How are you?” His voice was full of tension as he made a quick check of Ianto’s body with a bit more groping than was strictly necessary. “Did everything go how it should have? Any problems?”

 

“No,” Ianto said curtly. He placed a smile on his face, trying to be as nonchalant as possible. “Everything’s fine.” He desperately started looking for a change of topic. “The Doctor said that he could get us to my – what did you call it? – _reincarnations_ , so I could see what it was all about. Even the ones you haven’t met. We could find them with the TARDIS; if she picks up my trace, she can find me anywhere in time and space.”

 

Jack was looking at him and his eyes were shining and, for the first time since they’d met on _Starship UK_ , Ianto could see unadulterated joy. No other emotion, no suspicion or fear, no unsure remarks and questions. Ianto saw the change happen in front of him in the matter of seconds and couldn’t help but wonder what in his little rant on traces in time and space had done this. Nevertheless, he wasn’t going to question it.

 

He squeezed Jack’s hand gently and let him down the way to the control room. “Come on. So much things to see, we’re not hanging in the corridor for eternity.”


End file.
